The Monster
A poem about Anxiety

I always have to have something wrong with me, don’t I?
The moment I think things are better a monster creeps up on me
The monster whispers in my ear
The monster gets in my head

I push and I push him away, but he always comes back
At least I’m trying, right?

The monster makes me think
Makes me wonder
The monster makes me think and wonder too much
It’s his little way of scaring me
It’s his big way of scaring me
So I keep pushing him and pushing him hoping that maybe someday he’ll go away

But what if I let the monster stay?
What if the monster never goes away?
I am only to accept that he is here

Maybe the monster would be my friend
A friendly monster wouldn’t be so scary, right?

But right now I’m still so scared
Not of the monster, but what he’ll do to me
What he’ll whisper in my ear
What he’ll make me wonder
What he’ll make me think about

What if the monster never lets me out?

How much do I have to go through before we can be friends?
Will he even be a good friend?

Sometimes it feels less like he’s lurking behind me
And more like I’m his prisoner
But I guess this isn’t jail
It’s being held captive
Because I didn’t do anything wrong, I don’t deserve this

The monster traps me in my own mind
How does he know how to lock that?
What if the monster isn’t a he, but a she?
What if the monster...Is me?